5 Reasons We Love Feminism

David Burchard Culture/Current Events Leave a Comment

As a guy, I gotta tell you. Feminism is great. Cute and great. Here’s why:

1. Sex Without Strings Attached

Every guy loves sex. It’s so high up there on our list of favorite things, one guy dedicated an entire book in the Bible to it. But it’s dangerous. For much of history, you have sex with a girl, a whole host of expectations get placed on you. Some girls expected you to marry them first before getting any action. If you got her pregnant, they expect you to be there and give up your own hard earned dollars to take care of her and a kid.

Feminism changes all of that. Thanks to feminism, women want to have sex like men. Now they’ve joined us on the prowl, head-hunting so to speak. Sex has been liberated, boiled down to its simple pleasure, orgasmic conquest. No expectations. No commitments. No babies thanks to rubber and reproductive rights.

Stringless beds are feminism’s gifts.

2. More Boobs and Butts on Public Display

In terms of what makes a good day for a guy, second to sexing is looking at as many milkers and tail as possible. God has made the world full of beauty and man to behold that beauty. Beauty being his gift to us, it’s only right for us to enjoy looking at it. And what is more beautiful than the apex of beauty, the prime curves on a woman’s body? Without feminism, you’re left with prudish modesty, only able to appreciate the symmetry and delicacy of a gal’s face, framed by long, soft hair. With feminism, women know that empowerment dictates making their BWH as easy to calculate as possible (Breast, Waist, Hip ratio).

Skin? Yes, please. Mammalian confirmation? Yes, please. String bikinis, athleisure, and so much more? Yes, please.

Thank God for good BWH. Thank God for feminism.

3. Easier to Get Jobs

With the current labor shortage, even a doofus with down syndrome can get a job. But, normally, landing the job you want can be a challenge worthy of Will Smith. It’s a competition. Feminism tells women to join that competition, to go up against men for job postings. Since the days of grade school, the male portion of the species has known that boys vs girls is cause for celebration. Boys beat girls in competition. We used to think women therefore should not compete against men, but feminism has disabused us of such misogyny.

Grateful to have a job? Thank feminism. Women are so adorable.

4. Easier to Win in Business

Feminism makes winning in business that much easier. If you have to settle and hire women, you don’t have to pay them as much because they are, even as feminists, more naturally agreeable. That helps your bottom line. In the rare case you do have to give them equal pay, maybe as a PR stunt or something, you still get to look at them, which is a plus. If your competition hires women, maybe even making them middle and upper management, the reality of how easy it is to beat women in competition again is key. Women can only really beat men when using knives and poison, and both are illegal. With domestic competition being engorged with females and foreign competition being really Asian, the chances of having a successful company, especially for white men, are favorable.

5. More Money to Spend on Beer, Boats, and Ammo

Before feminism, women were expensive. Now? The cost is at least cut by a third.

When you date a paleolithic woman, she expects you to pay for dates. This is pricey, especially if she orders wine or a cocktail. A feminist, however, knows that it’s insulting when a man pays and so either will pay the entire bill or go Dutch.

When you are married to a paleolithic woman, she expects you to work while she stays home and does nothing but “take care of the kids and home.” When you’re married to a feminist, she will actually have aspirations beyond being a breeding floor mat and so will actually get a job. With that job, your total income will likely increase by at least 33% (sometimes double, but you can’t really expect her to make as much as you because no matter how empowered she is, she’s still ovarian).

This means more money. And though to get this extra money you have to live with a feminist and so can’t buy happiness with it, you can use it to buy more beer and ammo. If you buy lite, domestic beer and ammo when it’s on sale, you’ll probably be able to save enough to get a boat as well. With that trifecta, you don’t even have to spend time with your wife and so it works out.

The epideictic above is dedicated to King Tungay.

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