“You know less than does a log on the ground.”–Martin Luther

David Burchard Writings 1 Comment

Bethel Christianity is no Christianity. Their “school” of supernatural ministry, located in Redding, California, recently came out with an article even dumber than the article hosted on Thabiti Anyabwile’s blog at TGC telling pastors to encourage church members to vote for Crooked Hillary, an incredible feat of wrongheadedness.

Shockingly, there are real people who read the article and think, “Wow, that is so good. This is how Jesus wants me to live in 2018!”

To those who like Bethel and what Bethel teaches, I love you. And in love, you need to know that, in your liking Bethel, you demonstrate a startling level of stupidity. But, there is good news. Christ Jesus saves sinners, not on the basis of their personal merit, but on the basis of his own merit. You should rejoice that your idiocy is not an impenetrable barrier to you enjoying eternal bliss with your Maker.

The primary reason this entire “ministry”, “school” or “church”, is utter rubbish, of the foulest odor, is that it ridicules the Holy Spirit, by blaming him for clownish buffoonery.

Telephone Prophecy: Gather a group of friends and pick one person to prophesy over. Have one person write down a prophetic word for the person without showing it the rest of the group. Ask a different person in the group to read the prophetic word and dance it over them. Next, have another person write down an interpretation of the dance without showing the rest of the group. Ask a different person to draw the person’s written interpretation of the dance. Finally, have someone in the group write down an interpretation of the drawing. Review each phase of the activation and have each person share their part. Take time as a group to reflect and share how the Holy Spirit built upon the original word.

“Telephone Prophecy”? Really? What damnable 8 year old made that up, and how much was he paid for it? Not only that, but how many tight-pantsed ding dongs have fallen for it, thinking they’re engaging in something “Christian”? This game reveals an utter bankruptcy in Scriptural understanding regarding prophecy and the Holy Spirit. I pray the Holy Spirit “builds upon” the original words of the article by bringing the author to repentance.

Tattoo Interpretation: Take a friend to the beach, a park, or the mall and look for people with tattoos. When someone is highlighted to you, ask if you can interpret the meaning of their tattoo. Without making the person uncomfortable, take a few seconds to ask the Holy Spirit for the prophetic meaning of the tattoo and a word of encouragement to share with them. Share what you hear, using language they can relate to. If the person is open, ask if you can pray for them.

Interpret the “prophetic meaning” of some bloke’s tattoo, without making him feel uncomfortable? Does this kind of encounter require the bloke to be stoned off his tatties, or the interpreter? This is like telling a Biblically illiterate millennial to interpret the prophetic meaning of a beach bum’s tank top. Uh, what? Is that a joke, or serious? And, remind me how much I can get paid for duping idiots to believe that joke? I should just quit my day and night jobs.

Receipt Acronym: The next time you are at a restaurant, find out the name of your waiter or waitress. When you receive your receipt, write down that person’s name vertically on the back. Ask God for a word or phrase for each letter in the person’s name that represents their unique identity, personality, gifts, passions, etc. While being sensitive to the person’s work time, share what you felt like God was saying about them as a word of encouragement.

Receipt Acronym? Tell the waitress what you feel like God is saying? How about you tell her the gospel, which God certainly says in the pages of Scripture? If not, how about shut up and pay her a big tip? Or pony up and give her your number?

Song of Breakthrough: With a group, pick one person to be activated. Stand in a circle around the person. Invite them to sing a song of breakthrough over another person in the group that the Holy Spirit is highlighting. The song could be a prophetic word, prayer, or whatever He highlights. After that person sings their song, have the recipient stand in the center and sing a song of breakthrough over another person in the group. Continue this activation until each person has an opportunity to sing and receive. Take time as a group to share what each person experienced and received during the activation.

Song of Breakthrough? Pick one person to be activated? Is this Christianity, or an orgy? Also, show me in the Bible where such shenanigans are instructed.

Mirror Ministry: Grab a tall mirror in your house and a group of friends. Invite each person to look directly at themselves in the mirror. If there are any areas (e.g. physical quality, personality, etc.) that the person doesn’t like about themself, invite the person to share that struggle with the group. Encourage them to ask the Holy Spirit what the truth is about that area. Then ask the person to declare the truth over that area. For example, if a woman doesn’t think she is beautiful, have her look in the mirror and declare, “I am beautiful.” Invite others in the group to share positive declarations about the person, releasing freedom and wholeness.

Mirror Ministry? How about everyone doing that get over themselves. Christianity isn’t about you being ugly as a sunburnt walrus or super sexy. If you’re ugly, the Holy Spirit isn’t in the business of lying to you about that, nor should your friends. “Nah girl, nah, that dress don’t make you look like a whale after thanksgiving. You look fine. Thus sayeth the Lord, like, totes.” How about folks stop wasting time in front of a mirror and start gazing upon the crucified and risen Lord, Jesus Christ, in the pages of Scripture?

Prayer Tracking: Ask God to highlight a leader in your city that He wants you to pray for. Also, ask for words of knowledge about them (e.g. birthday, background, hobbies, passions, prayer needs, etc.). Write down what He shares with you and then take time to research to see if your words of knowledge are correct. Record what the Holy Spirit highlights to you about the leader as you research and begin praying for the leader. Watch news or social media for reports on the leader over the next six months and see God answer your prayers and confirm what He showed you. If you feel led, write the leader an encouraging letter or send them a gift.

Prayer Tracking? Why not just prayer for those in positions of authority, instead of playing a fake game of “Holy Spirit 20 Questions”?

Giving Gifts: With a group, write down each person’s name on a piece of paper and put the names into a bowl. Tell the group to ask the Holy Spirit what “gift” He wants them to give to someone else in the group. The gift could be a word of encouragement, a healing testimony, financial breakthrough, specific anointing, etc. Have each person pick a name from the bowl, give their gift to that person, and pray over the recipient. Each person should have the opportunity to give and receive a gift. Take time as a group to share what each person received.

Giving gifts? Listen, an amazon gift card of $1 has more value than what is listed in that paragraph. What does it mean that I’m supposed to give someone else a special anointing? I give that person an anointing? What? I give them a financial breakthrough? What? If I can do that, then aren’t I the biggest baked turd around for not giving everybody a financial breakthrough?

One-Minute Preach: With a group, ask each person to write down a random object. Place the pieces of paper into a bowl. Using a timer, have each person pick a paper and quickly develop a one-minute message to preach that involves the object on the paper. After 30 seconds of preparation, invite the person to share their message with the group. Celebrate each person as they step out to share a powerful word!

One-Minute Preach? First of all, anybody who preps for 30 seconds is unlikely to share a 1 minute “powerful word”. Second, if this is a mixed group, then this is simply telling girls to disobey God, who reserves preaching to audiences to men. Sooo, nice and “spiritual”, but foolish.

Healing Drawing: Invite your friends on a city outreach. Before the outreach, collect paper and utensils to use for drawing and then ask the Holy Spirit what physical problems He wants to heal. Draw pictures of Him healing those specific problems. Also, ask Him for clues to recognize the person that needs that specific healing. As you go on your outreach, use your drawings and clues to find the people God wants to touch. Share your drawing with them what you felt God was saying. Ask if you can pray for them. Watch God use your creativity to bring healing to them.

Healing drawing? There is not a single instance in Scripture where someone does something as ridiculous as this. And drawing the Holy Spirit? News flash: not allowed. How about everyone reading the article draws themselves reading the Bible for the first time, then everyone reading it does the supernatural and listens to God speak as the Bible is read.

Here is my advice. Stop listening to losers like Bill Johnson and Heidi Baker. Find yourself a church where the pastor teaches Romans a lot, has read and enjoyed the Puritans, thinks Charles Spurgeon is a legend, and mocks men who wear deep V-necks.

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  1. Pingback: Why So…Not Nice? – Creaturely Consideration

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